BONUS: S2 Episode #21- Kim Honeycutt Part 2

The One when Kim Honeycutt Comes Back (Again)

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This is Episode 2 in our 2-Part Bonus Series with top-rated psychotherapist, Kim Honeycutt! If you haven’t listened to our Season 1 interview with Kim, click HERE for a deep-dive into rejection, shame, and blame and how to get free from toxic relationships. Also, please be sure to listen to our first interview with Kim in this 2-Part Series.

In addition to her accomplished career as a psychotherapist, nonprofit founder, Tedx speaker, and author, Kim has also spent time as a law enforcement officer and has a unique perspective on current events. During our most recent chat, we also learned that Kim grew in empathy as she faced the tension of growing up in a multi-ethnic family. Her mother is from Panama and her father is from Fort Mill, SC. 

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Kim has identified that one of the major challenges we are facing as humanity in this season is that we are made for connection, but COVID-19 has caused us to believe that our survival depends on staying disconnected. This severely limits our capacity for co-regulation, which brings an added layer of complication to the way the world is approaching race/ism.

  • Co-regulation is warmth, nurturing, curiosity, and compassion

  • Toxicity is a barrier to co-regulation 

  • We are empowered by the life of Christ!

When it comes to how we handle things, there is a difference between active participation in hate or wrongdoing and ignorance. It’s okay to be in kindergarten when it comes to understanding racial injustice. The enemy wants us to feel false guilt and shame around race and even our understanding of the pandemic. 

The beginning of our learning process with co-regulation is self-observation with grace. Being judgmental towards ourselves or others is a barrier to the transformation that brings greater opportunity for connection.

If we are being ourselves— who God made us to be, we have a far greater ability to co-regulate and connect with others. So when entering into interactions with others, can we choose to believe the best about others and not assume the worst in an effort to grow in empathy? This takes trusting God with all of our hearts.

Proverbs 3:5 CSB

Trust in the Lord with all your hear and lean not on your own understanding.

If our initial understanding and view of the world is based on the dysfunction of trauma, we will not come into connection with others as our true selves. We have to base our view of the world in our Trust in God. Healing from trauma is vital in trusting the Lord with our whole lives, which will impact how we interact with each other.

Kim also answers Tia’s questions about how we find freedom from shame, blame, and invalidation of pain on social media. She reminds us that COVID-19 and racism are attacks on our safety. We have to check in with ourselves. We don’t need to personalize others’ opinions of what we should be doing or compare where we are in our process. 

Tia shares about the tension she’s experiencing as a police wife and anti-racist with the world demanding we all function in a very binary way. She explains a vision the Lord gave her about taking time to learn and grow around certain concepts instead of trying to see and observe everything all at once. 

Kim shared about the Standford experiment ( https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0420293/ ) and classroom activity that Jane Elliot did with her class after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed.

( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mcCLm_LwpE )

A conclusion Kim draws from these two historic social experiments is this:

The opposite of empathy is invalidation. 

As Christ-followers and the Church at large, we must follow Jesus who is leading us to abolish race/ism. In that process, it’s important that we avoid toxic positivity that invalidates one another’s experiences. It’s also important to check for co-regulation before we rebuke or admonish one another. Relationship and connection are imperative if we are going to speak into one another’s lives. 

At the very end of this informative interview, Jes reminds us that it’s important for us to take a posture of listening and learning right now. Kim also emphasized that our emotional stability and spiritual fulfillment can not surpass each other!

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A Little More Background on Kim:

Kim Honeycutt graduated from Columbia College in 1993 with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and then received a Master of Social Work degree from the University of South Carolina in 1998. After years of working in secular facilities, Kim wanted to be more open about her life as a Christ-centered recovered alcoholic.

As a result, she founded Peer In Counseling Center in 2005, a Christ-centered psychotherapy organization open to all seeking emotional healing. As a Psychotherapist, Kim provides individual, couple, and family therapy services at her office in Huntersville, NC.

In addition to providing therapy, she also has been published in several magazines including My School Rocks, Static, and Charlotte Woman. Her speaking engagements include TedxCharlotte, Myers Park High School, Substance Abuse Prevention Services Center, Providence High School, Independence Hill Baptist Church, Mosaic Church, Grace Crossing Church, Grace Covenant Church Women’s Ministry, and Columbia College to mention a few. Kim has made regular appearances on television and has been featured on National Public Radio.

Her book But Your Mother Loves You: How to Overcome the Cycle of Toxic Love and Live Your Life Without Shame will teach you groundbreaking ways to navigate toxic relationships and stop shame-based living.

Kim is also the President and co-founder of icutalks a speaking ministry that helps people hear the message of God’s redeeming Love. Check out Tia’s icuTalk here. Be sure to tune in for her new podcast icuTalks: Hear Voices on iTunes as well!

 

CONNECT WITH KIM:

If you would like more information on Kim’s upcoming speaking engagements, please visit kimhoneycutt.com or icuTalks.com.

Facebook: facebook.com/kbhoneycutt

Twitter: @kbhoneycutt

 

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