S7 Episode #6 - Dr. Nicole Wilke
THE ONE WITH Dr. Nicole Wilke
This week, Jes interviews Dr. Nicole Wilke, a researcher and marriage and family therapist, who discusses her book Overcoming What Scripture and Science Say About Resilience. Dr. Wilke shares her personal journey of faith, including a significant health crisis during her adolescence that deepened her understanding of God's goodness. She emphasizes the importance of resilience in children, highlighting nine practices that can help caregivers support kids facing adversity. The conversation also touches on the Christian Alliance for Orphans, where Dr. Wilke works to advocate for vulnerable children. The episode encourages listeners to recognize their worth in God's eyes and to implement practical strategies for fostering resilience in children, ultimately reinforcing the message of hope and love found in faith.
More About Dr. Wilke
Nicole Wilke, Ph.D., is a researcher, missionary, author and marriage and family therapist dedicated to improving care for vulnerable children and families globally. She currently serves as Director of Christian Alliance for Orphans’ Center on Applied Research for Vulnerable Children and Families, bridging research and practice to improve care for vulnerable children and families around the globe. Her passion for this work stems from her family's experience with adoption and fostering. Having lived on four continents, Nicole currently resides with her family in Peru, where they work to improve the system for children in alternative care.
ABOUT THE BOOK
[From the Press Release] The Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) Research Center’s two newest books releasing this fall, Overcoming: What Scripture and Science Say About Resilience and the accompanying children’s book, Caleb Koala’s Comeback Ride: A Journey to Overcoming, provide resources for caregivers and children to rethink how to approach resilience and overcome adversity.
Written by Dr. Nicole Wilke, director of CAFO’s Center on Applied Research for Vulnerable Children and Families, and Dr. Mandy Howard, Associate Professor of Psychology at Samford University and senior scholar for CAFO, Overcoming takes a unique approach to the subject of resilience and adversity, exploring the subjects through the lens of science and scriptural truth. The book is intended to equip parents with knowledge and tools to prepare children who have experienced early adversity to overcome challenges and grow into healthy, productive adults. Ultimately, Overcoming gives hope to parents whose children have had adverse childhood experiences, emphasizing that with support, love and nurturing relationships, a child can achieve their full potential, whatever that looks like for them.
“Adversity does not define a life; rather it describes a type of experience,” write Wilke and Howard. “Adversity can become a minor footnote amidst a large epic novel that is the story God has for your child.”
Throughout Overcoming, Wilke and Howard view scientific research through a lens of faith to provide a comprehensive understanding of adversity and resilience. The book is divided into two primary sections. The book first dives into what the science says about adversity, resilience and overcoming. The second section outlines practical solutions to build resilience. Wilke and Howard unpack nine data-informed practices and strategies that will move children in the direction of overcoming through compelling stories, examples, and explanations of important studies.
“We are approaching the issue of resilience from a Christian perspective. We hold this vision side-by-side with the best that science offers,” writes Wilke. “We don’t come at this conversation merely as researchers but as comrades in the biblical call to step into the brokenness of this world and care for orphans and widows.”
Both Overcoming and Caleb Koala’s Comeback Ride are available now!
LISTEN
WATCH
SHOW NOTES
When Nicole was in Middle School, she became very ill for two years. During this time, she remembers telling The Lord, “If you are who you say you are, then even if I never heal, you are still good. If this is true, then you can use me even in my weakest moments.”
By God’s grace, Nicole was healed, but through that time she learned that Christ alone is all she needs.
RESILIENCY
Nicole grew up in a foster, adoptive and kinship family. She has had 70 siblings over the course of her life. Over and over she saw kids come from very hard situations and this challenged her to see that “your current circumstances are not your future destiny.”
As a family and marriage therapist, Nicole has seen times where kids have everything they need in life and yet they are not thriving. Then on the flip slide, some kids are in terrible situations and yet they do thrive. This shows that there is another component at play, something that presses in to change outcomes. It is not always a cause and effect between experiencing something negative and having a negative outcome. So what is the factor that makes the difference to change a potentially negative trajectory to one of success?
The hard things that have happened to you do not have to determine your future. They do not define you! Scripture tells us that you are a resilient person. You are an overcomer!
Resilience can be built at any age.
BUILDING RESILIENCE
Traditionally, early adversity would lead to a negative outcome. However, if you add protective factors to the adversity, then you build resilience and get better outcomes.
Protective Factors: the things that counteract the negative effects of early adversity
Individual– inherit gifts or skills, genetic advantages, mindset shifts, optimism, a focus on the future, a belief that you can overcome
Family– good communication, positive regard for one another, rituals, healthy routines, traditions, meeting basics needs
Community– being in a safe area, having access to education and medical care, access to a church or mentors, having a network of relationships and supports
The book outlines 9 practices that parents, practitioners and caregivers can implement to change a child’s life right now.
Your words and thoughts really matter. Your words have weight. When we affirm people for the good things they are doing and their positive attributes, it begins to create a different sense of self. Our words can help people see who they are created to be and help them see their limitless potential.
You can weave this into whatever you are already doing as a parent or teacher.
CHARACTER OF GOD
God really, really, really loves us. There is no place we can go that is too far for Him.
When you couple early adversity with instability, you often see unlovable behaviors. However, when we look at the character of God, we see Him going to those that are the most unlovable. He goes to us when we are at our most unlovable state.
God is in the business of transformation.
God intends for us to be dependent on Him. This is part of His strategy for growing us and shaping us into becoming more life Him.
There is never an end to the love of our Heavenly Father. He never stops loving you, chasing you and pursuing you!
Some kids are labeled “unadoptable” by the world’s standards. BUT in Christ, we are already adopted into the family of God!
CHRISTIAN ALLIANCE FOR ORPHANS (CAFO)
If you love Jesus and you love orphaned and vulnerable children, then CAFO is your home! They exist as an alliance of churches, organizations and networks to see the church step into its rightful place of caring for orphans and vulnerable children/families.
Dr. Wilke could never have imagined that God would have her doing this work. God often leads us on the most beautiful, unexpected paths when we give Him our “yes”!
When you can surrender your own plans, God often has something that is so much greater than what you could have ever expected or experienced on your own!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Every Christian is called and invited to be part of helping vulnerable children and families. You can be part of helping a child build resilience!
If you are a parent in the trenches with a child who has experienced early adversity, remember that it is never too late. Breathe deeply. It will be ok. Talk to The Lord about this and seek out how He says this child was formed and what He says about this child’s identity.
As Dr. Wilke was writing this book, she was continually reminded that there is always hope. The adversity doesn’t have to define you, it can be a footnote in the epic novel that God is writing with your life.
When you feel like things aren’t going well, God still has a tremendous story of you and/or your child.
NEXT STEPS
Here are a few action steps to help you dip deeper this week!
Select 2-3 people in your life that you can affirm this week. Be intentional about affirming their true identity in Christ either through spoken or written words.
Reflect on what it means to be adopted by God and a co-heir with Christ. Are you living like you truly believe you are adopted by the Creator of the Universe?
Here is the resource I mentioned at the end of the episode: https://www.gotquestions.org/co-heirs-with-Christ.html
Read the verses provided on this page and ask God to reveal to you something new about what it means to be a co-heir with Christ.
CONNECT WITH Dr. Wilke:
| Instagram | CAFO | Buy the Books| Amazon|
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